Melon Farmer

Don't worry. I'll get around to explaining the title of this entry. First, I should mention that I'm a big fan of television as well as movies, if you hadn't guess that already. The average American watches at least three hours of television per day. I'm sure that I exceed the amount. Ten times over. No wait, there isn't thirty hours in a day.

It should go without saying, then, that I have watched my fair share of movies on television. Mostly the B grade horror and science fiction types on Sci Fi. I mean, how could you pass up Frankenfish? It's a classic.

The funny thing is, the censorship if my favourite part of watching movies on television. Granted, I think that censorship needs a bit of a make over. In this day and age, there are things that are cut out that shouldn't be and then things that are left in that really should be cut out. God forbid we see a little blood, but it's okay to basically show softcore porn.

I'm not concerning myself with that right now, however. It would take more than one blog post to rant about that. I'd much rather talk about the censorship of inappropriate language that can be so hilarious. The first time I ever saw Jeepers Creepers was on Sci Fi on summer's day. They say "bull shit" at least twenty times in that movie. Instead of the classic "bleeping" it out or the more modern technique of "silencing" it, they replaced it with "bull spit".

Bull spit is fine and dandy. It actually works. What happens when they can't come up with something that still makes sense but is appropriate for television. One day, I just left on Idle Hands playing on MTV while I was eating lunch. (Little side note: Never watch a horror movie on MTV. They literally cut out even paper cuts.) The original line in question was "I can't believe you cock blocked me like that." Oh, you definitely cannot say "cock". So what did they replace it with? "I can't believe you goat blocked me like that." I don't know if it's just me, but that sounds dirtier. I guess I must have a filthy mind.

Though, the creme of the crop has to be from Die Hard. One day, me and my dad were watching Die Hard on TNT, I believe it was. You know how much they cuss in that one. Every single "mother fucker" was replaced with (you guessed it) "melon farmer". Fantastic. I love it.

Even though censorship is a bit out dated, I still love watching movies to see how they'll edit them. It can be extremely entertaining. Oh, and to this day, I still call people melon farmer. They think I'm crazy. To that, I say bull spit. I'm totally sane. Now excuse me. I have a goat to meet for lunch.