20 July 2010

The Dangerous Game

I absolutely adore FEARnet. It's a channel onDemand where you can get free horror movies. Because it's free, you get alot of really cheesy movies. It has however, introduced me to some great movies. (See the entry on Disturbing Behavoir.) Unfortunately, last night, it was not one of the rare gems we ended up watching.

Nica, Matt and I picked Blood Surf (look up Krocodylus on IMDb) since the description made it sound reminicent of The Dangerous Game. We thought some evil dude was kidnapping surfers to swim with sharks for shits and giggles. Turns out we were wrong and they were just filming some movie and didn't want "fake, plastic looking sharks" which of course, the sharks were fake and plastic looking.

The sharks weren't the worst of it though. I'm still debating whether the insane amount of nudity from "women" who I'm sure hadn't hit puberty yet or the "31" foot crocodile who can run impossibly fast yet any shot we get of him, he's lumbering around more than likely because he's being prodded along with a two by four.


(picture copyright Tapestry Pictures)


Yeah, that's the best picture I can find of this clunker. It honestly had no redeeming quality. It was good for riffing, so I guess it had that going for it. However, we've got camerawoman Cecily (Kate Fischer) who's supposedly from Austrila however her accent comes and goes and Lemmya (Maureen Larrazabal) who can't quite remember how old she really is. Oh, and her outfit was very Flinstones with some underwire. Classy, real classy.

I won't lie. I walked away for the middle part, came back and was able to guess right away what had happened. It was predictable because it's like any other horror movie that I suspect was written by a 13 year old boy. I mean, c'mon. Lots of sharp teethed "monsters", several women taking their tops off, guns, explosions, surfing, cursing... It was really bad. There really is nothing else I can say about it.

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